Jacob's Well?

So, I was getting my hair cut the other day and the lady that cut my hair was trying to make small talk with me. She asked simple things like, “What are you up to today?” and “What are your plans for thanksgiving?” But then she asked, “So, what do you do?”  And I gave my normal response.  I am the middle school pastor at Jacob’s Well.  She said, oh cool.  But then the conversation died.

So I got to thinking about that answer.  What was so confusing about my answer?  Maybe she was trying to figure out what a middle school pastor does all week?  Maybe she was trying to figure out what Jacob’s Well was? Jacob’s Well is not a normal church name.  If Jacob’s Well was a normal church name like, Eau Claire Baptist Church she probably wouldn’t have gotten weirded out.  But instead she went back to cutting my hair and changed the subject.

Have you ever been asked where you went to church?  Have they ever asked why your church was named Jacob’s Well?  Well, this is exactly what our students are talking about this week at The Edge.  Why Jacob’s Well?  Read through John 4:1-42.  Our church is named after a place where imperfect, thirsty people meet Jesus and change how they live their lives.  Spend some time this week talking to your student about how your lives have been changed since coming to Jacob’s Well.  In what ways, has Jacob’s Well been a place for you when your life was getting messy?  In what ways, has Jacob’s Well been a place for you when you were thirsting for so much more to the life you were living?  In what ways has Jacob’s well been a place for  you to know and become more like Jesus?  Use this Parent Cue, to begin a conversation of mutual sharing with your student about your spiritual journeys.

Sneak Peak:  GRAND OPENING in celebration of the new building is next Wednesday, December 7^th. 

Happy Thanksgiving

The Edge will not be meeting tonight!  Happy Thanksgiving!! 

In the spirit of thanksgiving, check out this video.  Are you thankful for the right things?  It would be a great discussion starter with your family.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

What Went Before

What Went Before: Parent Cue

1. Be a Student of What They are Learning

We have all made some decisions we would like to forget. Whether it’s cheating on a test, breaking a friend’s heart or something much more destructive, regret can haunt us and keep us from being able to move forward. But God has promised us that we have been forgiven and His glory allows us to switch our focus from what we’ve done and who we were, to who He is. And that allows us to move forward knowing that we serve a God who holds our future and shields us from our past.

2. Be a Student of Your Student

Do you remember growing up and having that hard conversation with your mom or dad when they sat you down and told you that you had broken their trust? Do you remember the phrase that often followed: “You are going to have to prove to us that we can trust you again.” There was a sinking feeling as you realized that not only would your parents possibly see you differently, but they would also allow you to do less because of a bad decision on your part. But what about when the tables are turned? What about when our kids start to lose trust … in us? Can you imagine your son or daughter sitting you down and saying, “I’m very disappointed in you and you are going to have to work to get my trust back.” Seems like an odd scenario, doesn’t it? But in Chap Clark’s book Hurt 2.0, we find story after story of teenagers who have lost trust. Trust in their parents. Trust in security. Trust in their teachers. Trust in anything that is meant to provide them stability and love. We are now so busy and so fragmented in our own lives that our kids are feeling the weight of it and saying, “Who and what can I trust?” So, what do we do to re-instill a sense of trust in our teenagers? Chap Clark writes in Hurt 2.0

“The healthiest and most productive strategy is for parents to be so involved in the lives of their midadolescents that they can understand how complex, incongruent, and layered this phase of life is for their children. Parents who lovingly seek to understand that their son or daughter is in the midst of wildly changing psychosocial experiences and events will be well on the way to being the kind of anchor the child needs during this period. Parents need to realize that adolescence now lasts up to fifteen or more years. They need to see their parental role as a marathon, recognizing that building a relationship in which their child trusts them is even more important than whether they can trust their child regarding the immediate issues of the day” (100)

This may be a hard mental flip for many of us. Historically, parents of teenagers have focused on an establishment of trust which flows from the student to the parent, putting the onus of trust on the teenager. But what we are now seeing is the need for students to be able to put their trust in their families first and foremost, so that they can venture out to make the decisions that allow them to lay a firm foundation for healthy trust, not only in family relationships but also in relationships outside of the home as well as future relationships.

Making this mental shift is not easy for most of us, but the benefits of showing our teens that they can trust us and reversing a culture of abandonment will be evident in the lives of our students, both now and in the long-term future.

3. Action Point

Most families have expectations. Maybe in your family they are more unspoken and assumed, than spelled out or hung up on the kitchen wall. But however clear or unclear these rules or expectations may be, every family has the dos and don’ts of their particular household. This week, sit down with your child and talk about the expectations that were present when you were growing up. Be honest and try making yourself vulnerable as you talk about how you either did or didn’t live up to those expectations. Is there an incident or story in your life that has informed any particular family expectation? In other words, do you (the parent) have any stories of a time that you didn’t do the right thing? Did God redeem it? Is there now a family standard that is somehow connected to your own personal story? Maybe even share some stories about why you now have certain expectations for your own family. How did some of the rules or expectations in your house come to be? Why do you think these boundaries and expectations are important? What are your expectations attempting to protect your family from?

If you don’t have any established expectations as a family, take this time to sit down and establish some. Remember, these aren’t just rules for the teenagers in your household. These are family expectations, and those include parents too. Age-appropriate rules that only apply to your younger members are useful. But, if your students are only allowed three hours of Facebook time a week, you may want to consider limiting your own allowed social networking time as well. As you wrap up your time together, encourage your students to work with you, together, as your family navigates the expectations for your home.

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Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

The Great Banquet

1. Be a Student of What They are Learning

Stories are powerful. They can change our point of view, convince us of the importance of a message and inspire us to change our lives, simply by sharing a piece of someone’s journey. When Jesus told stories, there was always a point that needed to be heard. And, often, the point wasn’t something that would naturally be the most well-received and welcomed. But Jesus kept on telling them, because He had an important message to relay. And that was the message of the kingdom of God. Jesus knows that the things in our life can sometimes take the place of the most important thing—our invitation to participate in the great story of God’s kingdom.

2. Be a Student of your student

We are busy. It seems to be a growing cultural phenomenon. The word “stress” is often on the lips of our friends, co-workers and neighbors. And for those of us who are the parents of teenagers, it’s also a word we often hear from our own kids. Students, especially junior high and high school students, are overbooked, overworked and overdrawn on their energy reserves.

As Chap Clark writes in Hurt 2.0: 

Certainly they are tired, and many are angry. Both of these, however, are but symptoms of a deeper threat to their well-being and ultimately to their ability to progress through midadolescence. (Midadolescence is the in-between stage that young people go through where they are no longer children but are not quite ready to launch into adulthood. The age range of midadolescence can be between 14 to 20 years of age. Midadolescents are characterized by egocentric abstraction, which is the idea that they filter most of life through the lens of how what they experience, see and do effects them, first and foremost) At the core, they long for the safety and freedom of childhood and have no clear vision concerning what adulthood will be like. As a result of the abandonment they have faced throughout their lives, most midadolescents carry inside them a powerful defense mechanism that keeps them running as fast and as hard as they can. They know no other way to cope with life. The quicker they move, the less vulnerable they are to ridicule, critique, or even examination. Midadolescents know they must put on a mask of confidence, even arrogance, or they will be chewed up by those who would find them out. May we, the adults who love and care for them, not be fooled. They are busy, yes, and stressed, but they want someone to demonstrate in word and action, ‘You matter to me’ (140).  

So what does that mean for those of us who are invested in the lives of teens? Does it mean we clear their schedules and make every night mandatory family night? You could try it, but it probably won’t go over well. What it might mean though is that we help our students weed through what is important and what is just mental and physical chatter in their lives. Help them navigate the world of schedules, agendas and itineraries now to set them up for being successful boundary-setters later.

3. Action Point

We all have deadlines, activities, to-do lists and responsibilities vying for our attention and pressing in on us from all sides. Whether it’s the deadline for the project our boss gave us last minute or the deadline of an AP History test that keeps creeping closer and closer, deadlines loom over our ever-busy lives and we feel the weight of their presence. So, what are the things competing for your attention right now?

Take some time to talk with your child about your own deadlines and to ask them about theirs. Help them understand the process of how you prioritize your time so that they can begin to understand the need to prioritize theirs as well. And this doesn’t just mean fitting their ever-bulging schedule into a well-planned out and over-burdened week. This means helping your student (and yourself) evaluate what is most important and what may need to be scaled back. As you talk, help your student visualize the idea of prioritizing by writing out a calendar with them and blocking out sections of time for things like rest, play, family time, friend time, etc. And if as you talk, you realize that you may need to do some reprioritizing too, it might be a good chance for you to write out a new calendar of your own with some input from your teenager. Ask your student how they think you are doing with prioritizing your time. Where do they think you might need to cut back?

 Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.