Next Few Months

Check out the calendar for the next few months! I am really exicited about the series coming up, awesome things are in store!

Also, remember the Edge is not meeting this week (December 28th)!

December 28th

Just a reminder that we will have no Edge on December 28th! Enjoy the break as a family!

See you back for the Edge on January 4th!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Unwrapping Christmas

1. Be a Student of What They are Learning

Christmas is that feel-good time of year when the lights are up, the holiday music is flowing and the cheer is palpable in the air. It’s also the time of year when we go through the same Christmas routine as always and pass another holiday season without necessarily thinking through how the story of Christmas is meant to change us, not just be a backdrop to two weeks off from school. So, this Christmas we’re going to take a fresh look at the Christmas story with some new insights to help us understand how revolutionary Jesus’ arrival on Earth really was. When we think of the Christmas story this year, let’s be reminded that Jesus is more than we need during the holiday season, and for the rest of the year too.

2. Be a Student of Your Student

What was it that used to make the holidays special when you were a kid? Was it the chill in the air signaling that Christmas break was right around the corner? Baking and decorating ginger bread cookies with a sibling or your mom or dad? Or, maybe it was that feeling you got on Christmas Eve as you waited for the morning when you could finally tear into those beautifully wrapped packages underneath your tree. Whatever may have made the holidays a special time for you, there is one thing that tends to define the Christmas season for most of us: family. When we are young, our families define what Christmas looks like from the traditions they keep to the way they express the story of Jesus to those around them. And, for those of us who are now leading families of our own, we are now defining Christmas for our families. It can feel a bit overwhelming establishing the values, traditions and attitudes that revolve around this idea of Jesus’ arrival on this Earth.  

While most students may be able to tell us the “real” meaning of the season, they aren’t necessarily connecting it to the value of the Christmas story. Developmentally, our students are in a place where it is difficult to think outside of their own world and their own lives. They may have head knowledge of the Christmas story, but in order to take that and bring it down to heart level, there has to be an experience that they can call their own. This is especially important for those of us with middle school students who are still in the developmental stage of egocentric abstraction. During this stage, your student is the center of his or her own world and is not easily able to identify with ideas and concepts that are not personally connected to their own feelings. However, when they have the chance to experience the joy of reaching out to others in the midst of other’s true needs, they can personally identify with the value of the Christmas story.

For those of us with older students, now is the time when they are beginning to widen their worldview and understand the world outside as more than the sum of their own feelings and experiences. For them, the experience of reaching out to others is a chance to put legs to the social and global concerns that are already stirring in their hearts. Once the meaning of the Christmas story is tangible through personal experience, it isn’t easily forgotten in the mind of your teen. Another thing to remember is that though developmentally your students are in a place where they may not fully “get” the meaning of the Christmas story, we as the adults in their lives are. It is necessary for us to set the example and show them the importance of the Christmas story. So, we may need to take some time on our own to reflect on the value of Jesus’ arrival on Earth before we can begin to define that for our students.

3. Action Point

This Action Point is where, as parents, you can start to define what Christmas is truly about through the traditions we establish and the way we express the Christmas story—in our homes, in our schools, in our churches, in our neighborhoods and to the world at large. This is not just an exercise for the Christmas season, but rather a great time to start refocusing our family’s attention on putting Christ back into His rightful place. So, this Christmas as you and your family settle into the usual gate of the holiday season, take a moment to pray, reflect and search your heart for how you want to represent the Christmas story to your family. And then, do something together as a family that will allow those values to be expressed in a way that will forever shape the way they “do” Christmas.

Here are some ideas for ways you and your family can connect to and define the Christmas story together:

• Adopt a family for Christmas through the Salvation Army: Salvationarmyusa.org.
• Volunteer at a local homeless shelter to serve a meal on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.
• Give one less gift this year to each family member and instead buy gifts for children whose parents are in prison through Angel Tree: Angeltree.org/angeltreehome.
• If you have a musical family, visit a convalescent home or local children’s hospital and sing some of those Christmas favorites.
• Help the local hospice or meals-on-wheels organization distribute Christmas dinners. You can help prepare the actual meals or donate your time and car to transport the meals to the elderly or sick.
• Look through Martha Stewart and other crafty magazines or old craft books for Christmas-inspired crafts and buy enough supplies to have a hospital ward of children or a retirement home ward make crafts or ornaments with you and your family.
• Ask your church if there is a family that attends that could use some extra help this holiday season. Invite them over for Christmas dinner or offer to buy and decorate a Christmas tree for them. 

This Christmas, as you celebrate the gift of Jesus and the story of God’s redemption in all of our lives, take the time to put that message into motion. Christmas is not just about giving things away so that we get that warm fuzzy feeling, or because we want to “share the wealth.” It’s about expressing God’s heart for justice, love and reconciliation.

Your Invitation!

At Jacob’s Well we believe that the home is the first church and first place where students will learn about God, talk about God, meet Jesus, and begin to take steps to become more like Him.  The Edge is a place for students to come to hear, see, and feel the love of God as they grow in relationship with Him.  Our desire is to partner with you in order to help your student identify where they are on their journey and to help them take their next steps on that journey.  You, as parents, always have a standing invitation to come to The Edge to see what your student experiencing at The Edge.  So at any point, come and check it out. 

Now, as you already have heard (probably multiple times from your student) that tomorrow The Edge is having its Grand Opening in the new student building and I want you to see what God is doing.  Even if this isn’t the week  you’d like to come and check things out, I’d love for you to come for the last 20 minutes or so and see the excitement of Grand Opening.  In addition, I’d love to thank you and share with you a little bit about The Edge and what God is doing. 

Now, back to helping your student find some neon clothes and figuring out how to get all their friends safely and legally in your minivan for tomorrow night.  Hope to see you tomorrow night around 7:40pm. 

Tip: They Make Neon Duct Tape.

Grand Opening!

The new student building at Jacob’s Well is completed and is ready for use.  So what now?  Last week, at youth group we talked about how if we’ve met Jesus at Jacob’s Well we should also share our story with others by inviting them to Jacob’s Well so that they too can meet Jesus.  So, this next week Wednesday, December 7^th The Edge is having its Grand Opening in the new building.  This is going to be a huge outreach event for middle school students all over the valley to come and check out The Edge and eventually meet Jesus.  This is going to be a fun and celebratory night with games, drawings, music, lights, and a time for students to get plugged into The Edge who normally aren’t.  Check out all of the details on the invite below.

If your student is a regular at The Edge encourage them to reach out and invite others.  If your student is inconsistent or hesitant to come to The Edge have them invite a friend to go with so that they aren’t going by themselves.  If your student has not gotten plugged into The Edge yet, this may be a great opportunity to get them plugged in.  Please join us in praying for many new students to come to feel safety and belonging at The Edge that they have never felt before.

Jacob's Well?

So, I was getting my hair cut the other day and the lady that cut my hair was trying to make small talk with me. She asked simple things like, “What are you up to today?” and “What are your plans for thanksgiving?” But then she asked, “So, what do you do?”  And I gave my normal response.  I am the middle school pastor at Jacob’s Well.  She said, oh cool.  But then the conversation died.

So I got to thinking about that answer.  What was so confusing about my answer?  Maybe she was trying to figure out what a middle school pastor does all week?  Maybe she was trying to figure out what Jacob’s Well was? Jacob’s Well is not a normal church name.  If Jacob’s Well was a normal church name like, Eau Claire Baptist Church she probably wouldn’t have gotten weirded out.  But instead she went back to cutting my hair and changed the subject.

Have you ever been asked where you went to church?  Have they ever asked why your church was named Jacob’s Well?  Well, this is exactly what our students are talking about this week at The Edge.  Why Jacob’s Well?  Read through John 4:1-42.  Our church is named after a place where imperfect, thirsty people meet Jesus and change how they live their lives.  Spend some time this week talking to your student about how your lives have been changed since coming to Jacob’s Well.  In what ways, has Jacob’s Well been a place for you when your life was getting messy?  In what ways, has Jacob’s Well been a place for you when you were thirsting for so much more to the life you were living?  In what ways has Jacob’s well been a place for  you to know and become more like Jesus?  Use this Parent Cue, to begin a conversation of mutual sharing with your student about your spiritual journeys.

Sneak Peak:  GRAND OPENING in celebration of the new building is next Wednesday, December 7^th. 

Happy Thanksgiving

The Edge will not be meeting tonight!  Happy Thanksgiving!! 

In the spirit of thanksgiving, check out this video.  Are you thankful for the right things?  It would be a great discussion starter with your family.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

What Went Before

What Went Before: Parent Cue

1. Be a Student of What They are Learning

We have all made some decisions we would like to forget. Whether it’s cheating on a test, breaking a friend’s heart or something much more destructive, regret can haunt us and keep us from being able to move forward. But God has promised us that we have been forgiven and His glory allows us to switch our focus from what we’ve done and who we were, to who He is. And that allows us to move forward knowing that we serve a God who holds our future and shields us from our past.

2. Be a Student of Your Student

Do you remember growing up and having that hard conversation with your mom or dad when they sat you down and told you that you had broken their trust? Do you remember the phrase that often followed: “You are going to have to prove to us that we can trust you again.” There was a sinking feeling as you realized that not only would your parents possibly see you differently, but they would also allow you to do less because of a bad decision on your part. But what about when the tables are turned? What about when our kids start to lose trust … in us? Can you imagine your son or daughter sitting you down and saying, “I’m very disappointed in you and you are going to have to work to get my trust back.” Seems like an odd scenario, doesn’t it? But in Chap Clark’s book Hurt 2.0, we find story after story of teenagers who have lost trust. Trust in their parents. Trust in security. Trust in their teachers. Trust in anything that is meant to provide them stability and love. We are now so busy and so fragmented in our own lives that our kids are feeling the weight of it and saying, “Who and what can I trust?” So, what do we do to re-instill a sense of trust in our teenagers? Chap Clark writes in Hurt 2.0

“The healthiest and most productive strategy is for parents to be so involved in the lives of their midadolescents that they can understand how complex, incongruent, and layered this phase of life is for their children. Parents who lovingly seek to understand that their son or daughter is in the midst of wildly changing psychosocial experiences and events will be well on the way to being the kind of anchor the child needs during this period. Parents need to realize that adolescence now lasts up to fifteen or more years. They need to see their parental role as a marathon, recognizing that building a relationship in which their child trusts them is even more important than whether they can trust their child regarding the immediate issues of the day” (100)

This may be a hard mental flip for many of us. Historically, parents of teenagers have focused on an establishment of trust which flows from the student to the parent, putting the onus of trust on the teenager. But what we are now seeing is the need for students to be able to put their trust in their families first and foremost, so that they can venture out to make the decisions that allow them to lay a firm foundation for healthy trust, not only in family relationships but also in relationships outside of the home as well as future relationships.

Making this mental shift is not easy for most of us, but the benefits of showing our teens that they can trust us and reversing a culture of abandonment will be evident in the lives of our students, both now and in the long-term future.

3. Action Point

Most families have expectations. Maybe in your family they are more unspoken and assumed, than spelled out or hung up on the kitchen wall. But however clear or unclear these rules or expectations may be, every family has the dos and don’ts of their particular household. This week, sit down with your child and talk about the expectations that were present when you were growing up. Be honest and try making yourself vulnerable as you talk about how you either did or didn’t live up to those expectations. Is there an incident or story in your life that has informed any particular family expectation? In other words, do you (the parent) have any stories of a time that you didn’t do the right thing? Did God redeem it? Is there now a family standard that is somehow connected to your own personal story? Maybe even share some stories about why you now have certain expectations for your own family. How did some of the rules or expectations in your house come to be? Why do you think these boundaries and expectations are important? What are your expectations attempting to protect your family from?

If you don’t have any established expectations as a family, take this time to sit down and establish some. Remember, these aren’t just rules for the teenagers in your household. These are family expectations, and those include parents too. Age-appropriate rules that only apply to your younger members are useful. But, if your students are only allowed three hours of Facebook time a week, you may want to consider limiting your own allowed social networking time as well. As you wrap up your time together, encourage your students to work with you, together, as your family navigates the expectations for your home.

© 2011 Orange. All rights reserved.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

The Great Banquet

1. Be a Student of What They are Learning

Stories are powerful. They can change our point of view, convince us of the importance of a message and inspire us to change our lives, simply by sharing a piece of someone’s journey. When Jesus told stories, there was always a point that needed to be heard. And, often, the point wasn’t something that would naturally be the most well-received and welcomed. But Jesus kept on telling them, because He had an important message to relay. And that was the message of the kingdom of God. Jesus knows that the things in our life can sometimes take the place of the most important thing—our invitation to participate in the great story of God’s kingdom.

2. Be a Student of your student

We are busy. It seems to be a growing cultural phenomenon. The word “stress” is often on the lips of our friends, co-workers and neighbors. And for those of us who are the parents of teenagers, it’s also a word we often hear from our own kids. Students, especially junior high and high school students, are overbooked, overworked and overdrawn on their energy reserves.

As Chap Clark writes in Hurt 2.0: 

Certainly they are tired, and many are angry. Both of these, however, are but symptoms of a deeper threat to their well-being and ultimately to their ability to progress through midadolescence. (Midadolescence is the in-between stage that young people go through where they are no longer children but are not quite ready to launch into adulthood. The age range of midadolescence can be between 14 to 20 years of age. Midadolescents are characterized by egocentric abstraction, which is the idea that they filter most of life through the lens of how what they experience, see and do effects them, first and foremost) At the core, they long for the safety and freedom of childhood and have no clear vision concerning what adulthood will be like. As a result of the abandonment they have faced throughout their lives, most midadolescents carry inside them a powerful defense mechanism that keeps them running as fast and as hard as they can. They know no other way to cope with life. The quicker they move, the less vulnerable they are to ridicule, critique, or even examination. Midadolescents know they must put on a mask of confidence, even arrogance, or they will be chewed up by those who would find them out. May we, the adults who love and care for them, not be fooled. They are busy, yes, and stressed, but they want someone to demonstrate in word and action, ‘You matter to me’ (140).  

So what does that mean for those of us who are invested in the lives of teens? Does it mean we clear their schedules and make every night mandatory family night? You could try it, but it probably won’t go over well. What it might mean though is that we help our students weed through what is important and what is just mental and physical chatter in their lives. Help them navigate the world of schedules, agendas and itineraries now to set them up for being successful boundary-setters later.

3. Action Point

We all have deadlines, activities, to-do lists and responsibilities vying for our attention and pressing in on us from all sides. Whether it’s the deadline for the project our boss gave us last minute or the deadline of an AP History test that keeps creeping closer and closer, deadlines loom over our ever-busy lives and we feel the weight of their presence. So, what are the things competing for your attention right now?

Take some time to talk with your child about your own deadlines and to ask them about theirs. Help them understand the process of how you prioritize your time so that they can begin to understand the need to prioritize theirs as well. And this doesn’t just mean fitting their ever-bulging schedule into a well-planned out and over-burdened week. This means helping your student (and yourself) evaluate what is most important and what may need to be scaled back. As you talk, help your student visualize the idea of prioritizing by writing out a calendar with them and blocking out sections of time for things like rest, play, family time, friend time, etc. And if as you talk, you realize that you may need to do some reprioritizing too, it might be a good chance for you to write out a new calendar of your own with some input from your teenager. Ask your student how they think you are doing with prioritizing your time. Where do they think you might need to cut back?

 Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

 

The Other Story

1. Be a Student of What They are Learning

We often overlook people that we don’t think are that interesting, that cool or that much like us. Sometimes it is someone we see every day at school and sometimes it is someone we only see once a year. But when we take the time to stop and listen, we are reminded of how powerful someone’s story can be. We see that our preconceived notions and judgments weren’t just wrong, they were harmful. And not just to the person we have left out. To us as well. Because when we judge and label, we miss out. But when we sit and open our ears to the deep message of someone else’s life, we allow ourselves to see what God has done, learning something new about them and ourselves.

2. Be a Student of Your Student

Think back to your days in high school. Do you remember your class and the students who were a part of your school being referred to as the “student community” or the “student body”? When the principal or a teacher addressed you and your peers at a school-wide event, do you remember them addressing you as a whole, as a unit, where everyone was a part of the same group—where freshman through seniors, even though into different things and obviously varying in age, were all grouped together as a community of students? This may have been the norm 20, maybe even 10, years ago. But student groups have changed dramatically in the last couple of decades.

            Maybe when you were in high school there were “cliques,” or groups of students who paired up and hung out. Even though there may have been different types of cliques (the popular kids, the jocks, the nerds) there was still an idea of crossing lines and possibly being a part of more than one group. But today’s kids are in a very different friendship culture. For today’s students, friends aren’t just the people you hang out with, friends are a way of life—for many students, friends are as important as family, if not more important. These “clusters” of students serve as a supposed protection as students navigate the difficult terrain of middle school and high school. As Chap Clark mentions in Hurt 2.0:

Today, the cluster is a family with a set of respected and controlled expectations, loyalties and values. Sometimes the flag for a cluster is a similar interest, but what gives a cluster its power is a common, almost tribalistic bond and unifying social narrative (a grand story that gives meaning and cohesiveness to the cluster and defines who is in and who is out). This bond is the hallmark of the social group that nearly all midadolescents (ages 14-20) will rely on through out their high school life.

The inability during midadolescence to balance disappointment over specific events, people, or institutions by separating the good from the bad drives the intense need for a safe place. Midadolescents gather in like-minded groups to protect themselves from the forces they perceive as alien to them. This is the main reason clusters have replaced cliques in today’s adolescent social economy: adolescents believe they have no alternative (61).

See, what used to be a cohesive unit known as the “student body” or “student community” is now a divided array of clusters in which students feel that they live, move and find their identity. The assumed protection of the cluster not only serves to lock students into a particular group, but can also hinder their ability and courage to branch out and meet people who might be different than they are for fear of rejection—both from the intended friend as well as from the cluster group they are associated with. As parents, we can encourage students to put themselves in social situations that expand their experience and give them opportunities to meet different types of people, such as service-oriented projects, church groups, extra-curricular activities, etc. But remember, things aren’t the way they used to be so we need to be understanding and gentle in our nudging, recognizing the loyalty that our students have to their friends and the unspoken tension that stepping outside of that cluster can present.

3. Action Point

It can be hard for all of us, teens and adults, to branch out and take the time to get to know someone we wouldn’t normally give a second thought to. Sometimes these opportunities come because we have intentionally sought out someone outside of our normal routine who caught our attention. And sometimes people are put in our path with no planning on our part and we have a life-changing encounter. For this Parent Cue, talk to your son or daughter about a time that you had an unlikely encounter with someone who changed you—maybe because of who they were or maybe because of the story you heard. Encourage your teen that sometimes when we take the time to get to know people who are different, we often learn more about ourselves in the process. Ask your teenager if they have ever had a similar experience. If so, how did it change them?

© 2011 Orange. All rights reserved.

 Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

Small Group Night Locations

ATTENTION!!  This week (8/26) The Edge will not be meeting as it normally does.  Instead we are having our first ever “Small Group Night.”  For the past 3 weeks we have been in a series called “New Friend Request” and we have been discussing the importance, wisdom, and challenges of friendships.  So what better way to wrap up this series than to build deeper friendships in our small groups.

Check out the information below to figure out when and where your student needs to be dropped off.  Some groups are meeting at the church while other groups are meeting in leaders’ homes.  Your student should know which small group they are in.  But if they don’t, our groups are split by grade and gender, so feel free to pick the one that fits their grade and gender group.  Check out the details for each group below!

6^th Grade Guys Group:  Paul Behnke

7^th Grade Guys Group: Shaun Stokes and John Woodhull

8^th Grade Guys Group: Jordan Hurlburt and Eric Smugala

8^th Grade Guys Group: Frank Jury and James Fraundorf

6^th Grade Girls Group:  Nicki Behnke

7^th Grade Girls Group:  Morgan Deich and Anna Lindberg

7^th Grade Girls Group:  Patty Thalacker

7^th Grade Girls Group: Mary Gonstead and Caitlin Mead

8^th Grade Girls Group: Joy Gulotta and Ava Vradenburg

8^th Grade Girls Group: Krina Fenske and Jenni Tomsen

Imagining the End

Here is a devotional that can help you to pick your head up, get out of “lizard brain” and ask critical questions about where your family is going and how your student is being developed as your child.  Think about it and spend some time reflecting on the questions.

The Family Drift

By Tim Walker

My wife is the kind of person who always asks big questions—usually at times that blindside me and knock me unconscious. For example, the other day, she asked me, “What’s important for us as a family?”

Not, “What do you want for dinner?” or “Do we have money to buy the boys some shoes?” (It seems like we’re always buying shoes.)

Nope, it was “What’s important for us as a family?”

Now my first reaction was, “What? Are you kidding me?” I mean, I’m an analytical person. I think a lot—sometimes too much. But I have so much stuff I’m already thinking about that I don’t have time for a question like this. It just requires too much effort. In fact, it makes my head hurt a little bit.

But there was something about her question that wasn’t so easy to dismiss. I have a son in middle school, two more in elementary. I’m realizing every day just how quickly time is passing and I’m also realizing that there are some things I want to make sure my boys learn and know before I start losing my audience with them.

I know I have a few years before the oldest moves out, but the reality is that someday he will and it will come much faster than I think. Someday he’ll walk into adulthood. And it’s important for me to prioritize the knowledge and experiences he needs in order to move forward confidently.

That may or may not happen if we keep moving in the direction we currently are. Our schedule is crazy. Our time at home is disjointed with everyone doing his or her own thing. And the reality is that without intentionality, our family will always drift along. Our tendency will always be to drift towards disconnection and randomness. My kids are not always going to just instinctively learn things from me. Sometimes it requires me putting time and energy into helping them learn those things—whether it’s how to read the Bible, make a budget, how to do laundry or how to change a tire. Sometimes it means that I let them face some consequences that I want to save them from.

For example, we were a little reluctant on the whole cell phone thing for my middle schooler. He doesn’t really talk on the phone very much, and he really only needs a phone occasionally. So we bought him one of those pay as you go phones. He has to pay to add minutes or text time to his phone. And the phone company requires that he adds to that balance every couple of months.

One weekend, he was on a retreat with our youth group. I needed to get in touch with him so I sent him a number of text messages. We talked back and forth, and while I was talking with him, I realized that I was using up his precious minutes.

My first instinct was to be generous and maybe swoop in and buy him some more minutes. But then I caught myself. I knew that if I did that, he would expect anytime I talked with him to be reimbursed. And that was not a precedent I wanted to set. So despite my “dad saves the day” intentions, I decided to just let it go and not say a thing. I would have loved to show him generosity, he’s a great kid. But I also knew that part of what makes him great and will continue to make him great is his sense of responsibility.

So what’s most important to your family? Think about it. Take a week and marinate on that. What do you want your child to walk into adulthood with? Beyond a diploma or a scholarship, what does he or she need to know to get to where he or she needs to grow? The reality is that unless it’s on your “to do” list, it won’t happen—and even then, you are going to have to work at making it happen. I know, it shouldn’t be that way, but it is. So how are the decisions, experiences and wisdom you are giving your child preparing him or her for the future?

Imagine the end. You’ll always be a parent. You’ll always be a part of your child’s life. But there will come a time when your “parenting” will end, when he or she will be making their own choices without your guidance or input. What does your child need when they get there? What are the important things you made sure they knew or experienced along the way to arrive at that point?

It may mean that you sacrifice some time on your part. It may mean that you make your child do something that he or she complains about the whole time. But when you are intentional about imagining the end, a few years from now, you’ll feel like you’ve done what you need to do to prepare your child for adulthood. It doesn’t mean you were perfect at it, but it does mean that instead of drifting, you steered your child in the right direction.

© 2010 Orange. All rights reserved. 

A conversation with my mom

Last week I took my mom out for breakfast for her birthday.  I have never done this before and it was absolutely amazing.  We sat there and talked for hours.  We had never had very many one on one conversations and this one was just special.  We talked about work, life, church and family.  About an hour in the conversation took a turn for the best.  My mom began to share with me her faith story.  She shared with me about her struggles in middle and high school to have a relationship with God because she doubted that he was even real.  Then she shared about the day in her dorm room in college when she realized just what it meant to “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness”  and fully surrender to him.  It was one of the most beautiful stories I have ever heard and this was one of the most impactful conversations I have had in my adult life.

Have you ever shared your faith story with your student?  How did that make you feel?  If not, why not?  What makes you afraid about sharing about your journey with your student?  Are you afraid to be vulnerable with them?  Are you afraid of what they will think?  Are you afraid that if they knew you struggled in your relationship with God that it will give them an excuse to not have everything figured out?  Are you afraid that your story isn’t interesting, important, or amazing?  How did my story make you feel about your relationship with your student and your journey together?

Take some time to reflect.  Feel free to share your thoughts below in the comments section.  Take some time to share your story with your student and let us know how things went.  Let’s journey together as we journey with our students.

Fun with Baby Pictures

I was thinking about what I could do for a game for this Wednesday at The Edge and thought about a mildly embarrassing and fun game, but I need your help.  I need baby pictures of your child.  This is a trivia game to see if the group can guess who’s baby picture belongs to who.  This is your opportunity to embarrass your child without even being at The Edge.  We just want to have a little bit of fun.  If your student would get embarrassed to the point of being traumatized then I don’t want to go that far.  You know your child best, if this will hurt them please don’t respond.  Send your pictures to paulbehnke@jacobswellec.org by Wednesday at 3pm.  This is a top secret mission, so don't mention it to your students! We want to surprise them! Have fun!

New Friend Request

WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT:

Here is an overview of what we’re talking about. Listed below the summary is a “parent cue” to help you dialog with your child about the session. The question is intended not just to be asked by you, but to be responded to by BOTH of you. Use this opportunity to find out what God is teaching your child, and allow your child to see what God is teaching you as well.

NEW FRIEND REQUEST:

We all want friends—even if we don’t want to admit it. We all want someone to hang out with, someone to talk to, someone who knows us. But friendship requires something from us. It’s not just what we get or what makes us feel comfortable or happy. There’s a smart way to do friendship, a way with intention, a way that will draw us closer to God’s heart—if we surround ourselves with the right people. That doesn’t mean our friends have to be clones of us—but it does mean that they at least help us move in the right direction.

Session One: Accept?

Having friends is great. Whether you want one, or you already have one, there’s just something about having other people in your life who you can count on. For many, friendships just happen. A new friend is in the right place at the right time. And while friendships may start out randomly, there is an intentionality about who we allow close to us—and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Because the people who are closest to you have influence on your life. They help shape who you are. So who are the friends closest to you . . . and how are they influencing you?

Session One Parent Cue: Who are some of your closest friends? Why are these people so important to you?

Session Two: Respond?

Someone to listen to my problems. Someone to do stuff with. Someone to talk to constantly. Someone to hang out with. When you make a list of what qualities you want in a friend, how many of the things on your list involve what that person can do for you? Most of us would have to admit that it’s a lot. But the best friendships are ones that are not just about what the other person can do for you—the best friendships also involve how you can be there for someone else. How you can listen, instead of always talking. How you can give someone space when he or she needs it, or just hang out when your friend needs that too. In other words, the best friendships are not centered solely on you—and that’s a good thing.

Session Two Parent Cue: What are some ways you’ve been able to help out your friends?

Session Three: Ignore?

Relationships=conflict. It’s natural. It’s part of two people relating to one another because at some point, you’re not going to agree. One person will do something the other person doesn’t like. One person will let the other person down. One person will say or do something stupid. It happens. And at some point, it happens to us—either we’re the person making the mess, or the one who is feeling the effects of the mess. So how do you navigate your way through the drama? Do you just ignore it and hope it goes away? Do you just drop that friend? Or do you find a way to work it out? The choice is yours.

Session Three Parent Cue: What is the biggest fight you’ve ever had with a friend? What was the outcome?

Worship through the Pain

Now, I don’t have kids, but my wife recently began babysitting for a 5 month old and boy are we learning a lot.  One of the things we’ve learned is how much easier (although creepier) it would be if babies could tell us what they want.  But instead all they can do is fuss and cry and as a parent (and babysitter) it kills you to hear a baby cry and experience sadness.  So we pick up the baby and calm him/her down.  But the problem is that sometimes we are doing more harm than good.  Babies, if they are held every time they cry, can become conditioned to cry any time they want to be held and cannot live life outside of the arms of a parent or babysitter.  So sometimes, a baby needs to cry themselves to sleep, even though it may kill a parent to allow it to happen.

This week your student is learning about worshipping through hurt pain and frustration just like the psalmists do.  We all filter the experiences in our lives through our emotions. They are the God–given lens we use to process the everyday occurrences that challenge us, hurt us, and give us hope. For your student, the world is a cycle of experiences, emotions, and responses. As we have been walking through this three-week series on worship, we are taking a look at the Psalms in order to try to understand what the writer was feeling and how they processed through their emotions honestly with God. Their worship expression can be one of joy, lament, grief, or praise, recognizing that God accepts our worship no matter what emotional state we are in.

But as parents and youth leaders we want to protect our students from hurt and pain.  This life is hard and it is hard to watch students go through difficult times.  Many times we just want to help students get past their pain as fast as possible.  We say things like, “God has a plan” and try to manage their emotions so that they are ok.  But, do we do more harm than good?  Do we help students suppress their emotions or do we help students process through their emotions.  Think about it?   How do you respond when your student goes through pain and difficulty?  Do you allow them to feel sadness, anger, disappointment, struggle, and pain?  Do you say things like, “Don’t be sad or angry? God has a plan.”  Or do you say things like, “How does that make you feel?  Why do you feel that way?  Have you ever told God how you feel about this situation?”  We don’t want our students to get hurt, but when they do how do we help them worship God by processing through their real emotions?

Next time your student doesn’t make the team, doesn’t get the solo, doesn’t make the grade, gets rejected by a friend, or fails at something they really wanted to succeed in, how are you going to respond?  How can you help them process through their emotions and help them know that God can handle their emotions?

Bonus:  What kind of emotions are you feeling right now?  Why do you feel that way?  Have you ever told God?  Spend some time thinking or journaling about these questions.  How can you model how you worship in hard times?

Parent Cue- Through the Window

Hey there! We are kicking off our first series of the year with Through the Window a look at what worship really means. Below is an overview of the series and each session. There are some questions for you to engage further with your student.

Through the Window:

Series Overview

What comes to mind when you think of the word “worship?” Whether it’s choir robes or skinny jeans, we all have some idea of what worship looks like. For most of us, worship is pretty personal, even if it’s something we have experienced with lots of other people around us. For others, worship is nothing more than singing a few songs every week before hearing a message. But what would happen if we took this idea of worship and blew it up? What if we could rearrange our picture of what worship is and get a fuller view of how we can worship God with our lives, even in the midst of some messy circumstances? Worship can be about expressing praise to God through music but it’s really about so much more. It’s about community. It’s about identity. It’s about letting who God is speak into every part of our wonderful and sometimes complicated lives.

Session 1: We Are Together

We sit in rows, week after week, singing songs, listening to messages and “doing” church. But what happens when we go home? What happens when real life hits and all of the sudden the idea of “worship” needs to be broader—your definition of who God is needs to be broader? Worship is about us and God, but it’s about so much more. It’s about the past. It’s about the people in our present life and it’s about the activity of our day in and day out world. Worship isn’t just singing songs. Worship is how we live our lives.

Session 1 Parent Cue: How would you define worship? How have you experienced worship, both privately and publicly? Is worship something you enjoy? What do you think of the idea that we can worship God with both music and also with our lives?

Session 2: We Are His

Have you ever thought of your anger, pain and sadness as an avenue for worship? We often think that worship is only about expressing our feelings to God when we are happy and life is going just as we want it to. But, God is big enough to hear our complaints too! As a matter of fact, God wants us to be honest with Him—and not just kind of honest, completely honest. Worship is about other people and it’s also about the beautiful, authentic relationship we have with the One who made us and knows us inside and out. Authentic worship is what reminds us that we belong to God.

Session 2 Parent Cue: What do you think about the idea that even our angry feelings can be used as worship? How does knowing that God can handle that part of you change your view of Him?

Session 3: We Are Grateful

When we see our worship as more than just a few minutes on Sunday morning and learn to be honest with God in our worship, we begin to get a more complete picture of who God is and who we are. But once we have broken into an authentic view of worship and learned that it’s ok to express the deepest parts of ourselves to God, where do we go? How do we move forward and not get stuck in the process of pain and hurt? When we remember the former things—when we remember who God has been to us in the past—we allow God to rearrange our broken window into something new and beautiful.

Session 3 Parent Cue: Do you think you tend to see life through the lens of your pain or through who you know God to be? What are the characteristics of God you have seen when He came through for you in some really tough times? How would seeing God this way all the time change the way you handle more difficult times?