1. Be a Student of What They are Learning
We
often overlook people that we don’t think are that interesting, that cool or
that much like us. Sometimes it is someone we see every day at school and
sometimes it is someone we only see once a year. But when we take the time to
stop and listen, we are reminded of how powerful someone’s story can be. We see
that our preconceived notions and judgments weren’t just wrong, they were
harmful. And not just to the person we have left out. To us as well. Because
when we judge and label, we miss out. But when we sit and open our ears to the
deep message of someone else’s life, we allow ourselves to see what God has done,
learning something new about them and ourselves.
2. Be a Student of Your Student
Think
back to your days in high school. Do you remember your class and the students
who were a part of your school being referred to as the “student community” or
the “student body”? When the principal or a teacher addressed you and your
peers at a school-wide event, do you remember them addressing you as a whole,
as a unit, where everyone was a part of the same group—where freshman through
seniors, even though into different things and obviously varying in age, were
all grouped together as a community of students? This may have been the norm
20, maybe even 10, years ago. But student groups have changed dramatically in
the last couple of decades.
Maybe when you were in high school
there were “cliques,” or groups of students who paired up and hung out. Even
though there may have been different types of cliques (the popular kids, the
jocks, the nerds) there was still an idea of crossing lines and possibly being
a part of more than one group. But today’s kids are in a very different
friendship culture. For today’s students, friends aren’t just the people you
hang out with, friends are a way of life—for many students, friends are as important
as family, if not more important. These “clusters” of students serve as a
supposed protection as students navigate the difficult terrain of middle school
and high school. As Chap Clark mentions in Hurt
2.0:
Today, the cluster is
a family with a set of respected and controlled expectations, loyalties and
values. Sometimes the flag for a cluster is a similar interest, but what gives
a cluster its power is a common, almost tribalistic bond and unifying social
narrative (a grand story that gives meaning and cohesiveness to the cluster and
defines who is in and who is out). This bond is the hallmark of the social
group that nearly all midadolescents (ages 14-20) will rely on through out their high school life.
The inability during
midadolescence to balance disappointment over specific events, people, or
institutions by separating the good from the bad drives the intense need for a
safe place. Midadolescents gather in like-minded groups to protect themselves
from the forces they perceive as alien to them. This is the main reason
clusters have replaced cliques in today’s adolescent social economy:
adolescents believe they have no alternative (61).
See, what used to be a cohesive unit known as
the “student body” or “student community” is now a divided array of clusters in
which students feel that they live, move and find their identity. The assumed
protection of the cluster not only serves to lock students into a particular
group, but can also hinder their ability and courage to branch out and meet
people who might be different than they are for fear of rejection—both from the
intended friend as well as from the cluster group they are associated with. As
parents, we can encourage students to put themselves in social situations that
expand their experience and give them opportunities to meet different types of
people, such as service-oriented projects, church groups, extra-curricular
activities, etc. But remember, things aren’t the way they used to be so we need
to be understanding and gentle in our nudging, recognizing the loyalty that our
students have to their friends and the unspoken tension that stepping outside
of that cluster can present.
3. Action Point
It
can be hard for all of us, teens and adults, to branch out and take the time to
get to know someone we wouldn’t normally give a second thought to. Sometimes
these opportunities come because we have intentionally sought out someone outside
of our normal routine who caught our attention. And sometimes people are put in
our path with no planning on our part and we have a life-changing encounter.
For this Parent Cue, talk to your son or daughter about a time that you had an
unlikely encounter with someone who changed you—maybe because of who they were
or maybe because of the story you heard. Encourage your teen that sometimes
when we take the time to get to know people who are different, we often learn
more about ourselves in the process. Ask your teenager if they have ever had a
similar experience. If so, how did it change them?
© 2011
Orange. All rights reserved.
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