The Great Banquet

1. Be a Student of What They are Learning

Stories are powerful. They can change our point of view, convince us of the importance of a message and inspire us to change our lives, simply by sharing a piece of someone’s journey. When Jesus told stories, there was always a point that needed to be heard. And, often, the point wasn’t something that would naturally be the most well-received and welcomed. But Jesus kept on telling them, because He had an important message to relay. And that was the message of the kingdom of God. Jesus knows that the things in our life can sometimes take the place of the most important thing—our invitation to participate in the great story of God’s kingdom.

2. Be a Student of your student

We are busy. It seems to be a growing cultural phenomenon. The word “stress” is often on the lips of our friends, co-workers and neighbors. And for those of us who are the parents of teenagers, it’s also a word we often hear from our own kids. Students, especially junior high and high school students, are overbooked, overworked and overdrawn on their energy reserves.

As Chap Clark writes in Hurt 2.0: 

Certainly they are tired, and many are angry. Both of these, however, are but symptoms of a deeper threat to their well-being and ultimately to their ability to progress through midadolescence. (Midadolescence is the in-between stage that young people go through where they are no longer children but are not quite ready to launch into adulthood. The age range of midadolescence can be between 14 to 20 years of age. Midadolescents are characterized by egocentric abstraction, which is the idea that they filter most of life through the lens of how what they experience, see and do effects them, first and foremost) At the core, they long for the safety and freedom of childhood and have no clear vision concerning what adulthood will be like. As a result of the abandonment they have faced throughout their lives, most midadolescents carry inside them a powerful defense mechanism that keeps them running as fast and as hard as they can. They know no other way to cope with life. The quicker they move, the less vulnerable they are to ridicule, critique, or even examination. Midadolescents know they must put on a mask of confidence, even arrogance, or they will be chewed up by those who would find them out. May we, the adults who love and care for them, not be fooled. They are busy, yes, and stressed, but they want someone to demonstrate in word and action, ‘You matter to me’ (140).  

So what does that mean for those of us who are invested in the lives of teens? Does it mean we clear their schedules and make every night mandatory family night? You could try it, but it probably won’t go over well. What it might mean though is that we help our students weed through what is important and what is just mental and physical chatter in their lives. Help them navigate the world of schedules, agendas and itineraries now to set them up for being successful boundary-setters later.

3. Action Point

We all have deadlines, activities, to-do lists and responsibilities vying for our attention and pressing in on us from all sides. Whether it’s the deadline for the project our boss gave us last minute or the deadline of an AP History test that keeps creeping closer and closer, deadlines loom over our ever-busy lives and we feel the weight of their presence. So, what are the things competing for your attention right now?

Take some time to talk with your child about your own deadlines and to ask them about theirs. Help them understand the process of how you prioritize your time so that they can begin to understand the need to prioritize theirs as well. And this doesn’t just mean fitting their ever-bulging schedule into a well-planned out and over-burdened week. This means helping your student (and yourself) evaluate what is most important and what may need to be scaled back. As you talk, help your student visualize the idea of prioritizing by writing out a calendar with them and blocking out sections of time for things like rest, play, family time, friend time, etc. And if as you talk, you realize that you may need to do some reprioritizing too, it might be a good chance for you to write out a new calendar of your own with some input from your teenager. Ask your student how they think you are doing with prioritizing your time. Where do they think you might need to cut back?

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